Black Diary - 1

Accepting your truth is the toughest task in this world. The constant burden on one's conscious becomes unbearable when being regularly pointed out by society. Not accepting your true self will turn those fears or setbacks into insecurities. These insecurities are hard to deal with. Becomes more cumbersome when you know entities other than you can feel or sense those flaws in you. Even though the society or people around you won't mind you having these flaws, you are suppressed by a constant pressure at the back of your subconscious that people might notice it. These insecurities hold you back so much that even making the smallest move calls you to come out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone shrinks so much that you feel odd even doing the usual difficult. Soon you loose the sense of being open to the world. You can't talk about these in fear that people might judge you or disgust at you now that you have pointed them out. For some it might not be a big deal, but only the person going through these can understand what keeps running subconsciously at the back of their head 24/7. The only place they find solace is when they are alone. In a room having no mirrors, no ears, just walls. They say if you have insecurities, you should work on them, but what if you can't fix them. Like one's voice one can't change. Funny thing about these insecurities is you completely forget about them indulging in daily life but as soon as the thought passes your mind, you suddenly succumb back into your confined space. After that, that thought stays stuck at the back of your mind, and you can't help but let it eat you up completely.

You can never stop wishing that you didn't have what you have, or have something better. When you see people with those qualities, it becomes impossible to introspect yourself and stop those insecurities from surfacing again. One might be skinny, might have undesirable facial features, or something they can't change suddenly. Even if they want to change, as soon as someone points it out, their false confidence shakes down to crumbs and they get fixated on the same thought again.

The only solution might be to accept your truth and laugh off that flaw whenever that comes up. It might never stop feeling bad, but over time the intensity would fade. Need to accept that you can't get rid of what you have been born with. Its hard to talk about it to others due to the fear of judgement. Or you fear that if they haven't noticed it before, they might now. So you leave it untouched. Its fine. No need to talk about it if you don't feel like. Focus on your strengths and your weaknesses would be overlooked. Are they even your weakness? Or you just too paranoid? love yourself and stop pondering over things you can't change. Let them be something unique you have about yourself.

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